Chapters Before I Go

Before leaving you, I left you so many times in my head. I left you so many times in the way we used to live, learning with everything that I stopped doing that it went un-noticed each time, like nothing never changed between us. I stopped being me, and I realized I was never missed, my real self was never asked again for, that too by your partner.

I wanted to write, you didn't bother to read. I want to sing but you were never in my audience. All my little or big efforts to make a presence in your eyes that could last for sometime, all went into vein.

You made me realize what true liberation stands for. I was designing my own cage all this time. I was blocking my own escapes. The more time we spent together, the more I want to go far away from you. I don't know exactly when we became like same poles of the magnets, impossible to attract each other. Being in the same room, looking away from each other like no-one is around. 

I started acting like a dead person, showering or reflecting none emotions and all of a sudden that was acceptable to you like a pleasant blessing. My sounds became annoying and silence became soothing for you. I became lovable for you, when I shut up, when I stopped being me, when I started acting like someone else, when I learned what you wanted me to speak and behave, when there was nothing left in me in me is the tine I became acceptable/ desirable for you.

What if you suddenly realizes that may be you were never the person your partner wanted to be with, he just choose you because he couldn't choose her and it's being 20years now and you are married. You somehow realizes now you are not the one that finds place in his heart. How would you react to this?

This is the story of Annu. It's her beginning to the end. It's the story when you realize how sometimes we never realize we were never the one.

  

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